I first accepted Jesus as Savior when I was 11 years old. I responded to the altar call at the church my family was a member of back home in Detroit. However, I didn’t make Him LORD until later on in my life.
At about 14 years old, I started slowly leaving the things of God that I knew. In hindsight, I still loved God – people knew that – but my behavior didn’t always reflect that. By the time I left Detroit and traveled to Alabama for college, I was clubbing, sexing, and lying on a regular basis. When I arrived on campus, I had the desire to “start over” – to be the light and walk in the light. In essence, to live what I knew.
That lasted about a month.
Once my freshman year was in full swing, I was at all the parties, all the step shows, all the clubs, and in all the dorms. I never got into drinking, drugs, or smoking, but what I *was* into was really enough. I made it a point to hang out and spend time with those students who were saved and living their faith out loud because even then I had enough sense to know that I needed to be with those of like precious faith. But still, I wasn’t living like Jesus was my LORD.
One night in the Spring of my Sophomore year, I received a call from a classmate. She was letting me know that a mutual friend had just died in a car accident. The friend she was speaking of was only 21 years old. She was a Senior, excited about her upcoming graduation.
And now, she was gone.
In that moment, something that I can only describe as supernatural happened in my dorm room…
When I hung up the phone, there came this intense and deep darkness. It was heavy, almost tangible. It was like a dark, heavy, weighted blanket enveloped me as I lay on my bed. And I was both incredibly sad and completely freaked out. It felt like a complete separation from God and the things of God and the love of God. It was the most intense loneliness I had every felt or experienced. It brought me to tears.
In that moment I believe the Spirit of God was showing me that my friend had died without Jesus and *she* was experiencing that separation… that darkness… that intense and deep loneliness.
Holy Spirit wanted me to know that I was living my life as if I myself were without Jesus, but that I didn’t have to. And, He didn’t want me to.
Before I went into full hyperventilation, I got out of my bed, fell to my knees, and repented. I gave Jesus permission to be Lord of my life. I gave Him free reign to steer my life, my decisions, my everything. By this time I was 20 years old.
And I haven’t looked back since.